I miss my kid
I just spent a great evening with my ex and his older brother, sister and her husband. They are forever my family and I am grateful that this is the case.
But, leaving Kev tonight was really really hard, he didn’t want to let me go, holding me tightly, telling me that he misses me already. I sung his favorite songs, hugged and kissed him, told him how proud I am of him and how much I love him. But, the door closing behind me, walking to my car, every step taking me away from him, every step breaking my heart. All I want is to run back, and lie next to him and watch him sleep, listen to the sound of him breathing.
It is so hard to leave him, and while I enjoy my grown-up time, I ache. Sometimes, I swear the umbilical is still connected, I feel this longng and connection to him, pulling me.. and I am not with him.
I swore I would never get divorced, never let my children experience what I did, and yet, here we are, 3 years after I left my marriage, apart, shared custody and I know that we have made the best out of this situation. I know of no others who despite divorce have maintained their friendship, who love and respect eachother as much as my ex and I do.
But I wish this wasn’t his reality, I really wanted different for him. I am so sorry baby.
I am so lucky to have Kevin in my life, to be the mother of such a wonderful kid, it is truly the best part of my life.
