It turns out Michael Jackson was a short, curvy, brunette
I am on this nett dating site, and did something seriously stupid today. I checked out the pictures of the other women, this was a stupid, demotivating, destructive, boneheaded move. As if I wasn’t already feeling about as attractive as a partially salted slug – you can guess how I felt when hit by a wave of beautiful Nordic blonds.
After sighing deeply (ok, hyperventilating into a paper-bag) and contemplating – once again – a nunnery, I thought maybe I could make some changes to fit in.
Starting with hair; I suppose I could bleach my hair but I have an olive complexion, which doesn’t really look great with blond. I would probably look more like an alien (a grey) with a bad doo, than a Nordic beauty.
I am short, so I could try and have bone lengthening done, but besides being excrutiatingly painful (and hey, what woman doesn’t suffer for beauty), it would take a couple of years.
I have curves which contrary to popular belief is not a great thing, unless directly in proportion to a barbie doll so some serious liposuction is called for, not to mention the gym 27 times a day and for the sake of all that is holy let us not forget reducing my diet to one saltine a day with a side of cellery foam.
I would probably also need rhinoplasty (mainly because it is fun to say – can you say it and not conjure up images of a rhino with band-aids?)
So lets sum up:
In order to transform the short, curvy, olive skinned brunette to perfect – life is easy – always gets the guy – nordic beauty:
- Bleach hair
- Rhinoplasty
- Bone extension surgery
- Bleach skin to get rid of olive complexion
- Liposuction
- Gym 27 times a day
- Diet = 1 saltine & Cellery foam
OMG – IT IS NONE OTHER THAN MICHAEL JACKSON!!!
Duuude, good thing I figured this out before I got started on my venture to be “perfect – life is easy – always gets the guy – Nordic beauty”. I guess I’ll settle for being short, curvy, brunette with an olive complexion, I certainly do not want to end up as “ghostly white – nose falling off face – wierdo”.
As I see it there is bound to be one or maybe even two guys out there who can appreciate my particular brand of beauty.
