OMG I am so my fathers daughter
I was driving in heavy traffic this morning and found myself muttering obscenities while pounding my steering wheel in annoyance of the other drivers and yes I mean ALL the other drivers!
I stopped mid-expletive remembering my father doing exactly the same, actually I am pretty sure that I learned most of my extensive foul vocabulary from his rants in the car.
I, of course loved to add gas to the fire by turning on all levers and buttons before he got into the car so that when he started the car he would totally freak out, which he did! Screaming “AAAAAHHH WTF” I laughed so hard I would be hiccuping, burping and crying every time.
Come to think of it I used to do that to my ex husband as well but he was never amused and usually just got annoyed, so even though I would be laughing my ass off he would just get really quiet and give me dirty looks.
I loved torturing my dad, another favorite was using Gumby to terrorize him, yes, Gumby (the green thing). I would hide him in my dads bed and when nighttime ca
me a roar would come from dads room “AAAAAAHHH GUMBY!!!” and Gumby would come flying out of his room and hit a neighboring wall.
Once I bought a seven foot blow up Gumby and put it in his car, in the morning, all we heard was “AAAAAAHHH GUMBY!!!” and out he flew. His girlfriend helped as well by putting the sevenfoot blowup Gumby in his bed, I never saw Gumby again. I have the feeling my dad may have gone postal and popped Gumby with scissors or something.
Honestly, I believe it is my duty to torture those I love; a Melvin (aka Wedgie I see that Wikipedia defines Melvin as undies being pulled up in front but we, in my family call a frontal Wedgie a Suzie, so read a Melvin = Wedgie in other words – your undies yanked sharply up your butt.).
Anyway, a Melvin is my way of showing you I care… My son calls it a “Melon” – He says “Moooom!!! Don’t give me a Melon”. I of course say “It’s a Melvin, see let me show you the difference” proceeding to give him a Melvin. Actually, I nearly wet myself when putting him to bed the other night, I shoved his teddy bear down the back of his Pj’s and he struggled to get the bear out, and I was laughing so hard I could barely catch my breath, crying, making him laugh, the more he laughed the weaker he got and couldn’t get that bear out of his pants, we were both laughing so hard tears flowing. It was priceless.
So, if I ever torture you, give you a Melvin, snap your bra, stick my finger in your mouth when you yawn, know that you are truly and deeply loved.
