Jessica Hildrum

OMG I am so my fathers daughter

I was driving in heavy traffic this morning and found myself muttering obscenities while pounding my steering wheel in annoyance of the other drivers and yes I mean ALL the other drivers!

I stopped mid-expletive remembering my father doing exactly the same, actually I am pretty sure that I learned most of my extensive foul vocabulary from his rants in the car.

I, of course loved to add gas to the fire by turning on all levers and buttons before he got into the car so that when he started the car he would totally freak out, which he did! Screaming “AAAAAHHH WTF” I laughed so hard I would be hiccuping, burping and crying every time.

Come to think of it I used to do that to my ex husband as well but he was never amused and usually just got annoyed, so even though I would be laughing my ass off he would just get really quiet and give me dirty looks.

I loved torturing my dad, another favorite was using Gumby to terrorize him, yes, Gumby (the green thing).  I would hide him in my dads bed and when nighttime came a roar would come from dads room “AAAAAAHHH GUMBY!!!” and Gumby would come flying out of his room and hit a neighboring wall.

Once I bought a seven foot blow up Gumby and put it in his car, in the morning, all we heard was “AAAAAAHHH GUMBY!!!” and out he flew.  His girlfriend helped as well by putting the sevenfoot blowup Gumby in his bed, I never saw Gumby again.  I have the feeling my dad may have gone postal and popped Gumby with scissors or something.

Honestly, I believe it is my duty to torture those I love; a Melvin (aka Wedgie I see that Wikipedia defines Melvin as undies being pulled up in front but we, in my family call a frontal Wedgie a Suzie, so read a Melvin = Wedgie in other words – your undies yanked sharply up your butt.).

Anyway, a Melvin is my way of showing you I care… My son calls it a “Melon” – He says “Moooom!!! Don’t give me a Melon”.  I of course say “It’s a Melvin, see let me show you the difference” proceeding to give him a Melvin.   Actually, I nearly wet myself when putting him to bed the other night, I shoved his teddy bear down the back of his Pj’s and he struggled to get the bear out, and I was laughing so hard I could barely catch my breath, crying, making him laugh, the more he laughed the weaker he got and couldn’t get that bear out of his pants, we were both laughing so hard tears flowing.  It was priceless.

So, if I ever torture you, give you a Melvin, snap your bra, stick my finger in your mouth when you yawn, know that you are truly and deeply loved.

A little OCD are we?

Every now and then my brain gets stuck in a loop, going round and round,  blow-by-blow through an interaction involving a person or experience.

I know this happens, I am ready for it, and even so, the only way to jerk myself out of this loop of destruction is to distract myself with something challenging, shiny, expensive, or buff …

I realize that in my haste for reaction and distraction I cram on to my shoulders too much stuff to do, burning the candle at both ends and exhausting myself entirely (albeit not enough to sleep).

The question remains, how do I stop myself from obsessing over things I can do nothing about, like whether the meeting went well or if my contribution is enough or why the guy doesn’t call me etc.  How on earth do I stop that record in my head without wearing myself out and into an early grave by cramming too much responsibility onto my shoulders.

This Easter I have been thinking about this, trying to figure out a way to change my behavior and have decided to take radical action (thanks to friends, family and physician for advice):

I have decided to renounce all material goods, shave my head and become a Buddhist nun.

….nah not bloody likely, what with my love for all things high-heeled and shiny not to mention physical contact, plus being a pin head a bald skull would look completely ridiculous!

This conclusion just proves that my other idea of living the rest of my life in the Outer Hebrides as a woolly goat would simply not work – unless of course I were a fashionable, high-heeled bejewelled goat with a handsome goat herder tending me… See now, that thought takes on a whole new level of interesting.

No, I have decided to scale down, removing all extraneous pressure so that my focus is entirely on my work, family, home and friends (maybe a little bit on guys too).

This is a huge decision and will take some doing, I am inherently ambitious, love to work and get easily bored.  But I realize that I am on a path to nothing less than annihilation and that if I do not take immediate and radical steps I simply won’t survive.

So for the moment I am stepping down from all non-work related projects in order to try and get my health back on track and reduce my slight OCD tendencies.

I hope that this decision will not hinder me in the future from getting the wonderful opportunities I have been so lucky to be presented with.  I love to be involved and want more than anything to make a positive contribution to my surroundings; I just need to slow down for a while.