Jessica Hildrum

The height of embarrassment

Well, maybe not the height, but pretty damn near!

Uploaded some pictures from a party I was at, all out of focus and blurry – there I am innocently kissing a “friend”, did I notice that I had autosync on my Xmas album – which my Mom, Dad and ex-husband see?  Noooooo…. I proceed to get SMS from my mom thanking me for the steamy pics..

OMG, feel like sinking into the ground – instead I think I’ll just stay here snugly under the dining room table in a fetal ball for a while.

I have the coolest Mom!  I love you Mom, you rule! (still embarrassed though)

It was a nice evening – that’s all I am going to say.

Why do we always want what we can’t have?

I have been thinking (probably not a good thing, may mean I have too much time on my hands, but anyway).  I have been wondering what it is about the human condition, we are always wanting more, ever sure that the grass must be greener over there.  Like an annoying itch that no matter how much you scratch it is only dulled to a distant longing, never really disappears.

And the more unattainable or elusive, the more attractive it is.  I wonder why.

Don’t get me wrong I can really enjoy the here and now (and between us I am having a ball right now) but it makes me wonder, what is this tingly sensation, is it longing or unfulfilled desire?

Maybe it is really about impatience, about wanting more and being anxious to get started, being the Speedy Gonzales I am life just goes too frickin’ slow.

I need to learn that slower is not necessarily a bad thing, taking the time to really taste, smell and feel will not rob me of experiences, but be an experience of its own.

But honestly, it sounds like a load of wishy washy crap to me.

And in the moment, that moment of insecurity of desire of longing for whatever it may be new challenges at work, new opportunities or even love, it is hard to take that time – me, I want to get to the GOOD stuff, the stuff that follows those moments, the next moment around the corner.

Sitting on the edge of my seat, feet tapping, heart pounding, brain screaming – bring it ON!

Christmas gluttony

I don’t know about you, but as hard as I try I can’t seem to control myself around food during the holidays, two things in particular:

* Home made mashed potatoes and my mother’s lace cookies. (not necessarily combined but hell, late at night who would ever know..)

I have been such a good girl about diet and exercise, the weight was really coming off.. and now I can feel my hips expanding as I type.. Those cookies going straight to my brain (tummy, thighs and butt), giving me one hell of a sugar rush and that depressing OMG what have I done follow-up.

And yet, knowing all that I can hear those lace cookies calling my name – the mashed potatoes, however, are history.

So to all you wonderful men out there – the word of the day is curvaceous

A very Merry Hannukakwanzasulsticemas to all

So here I am, butt firmly planted on my couch (and yes, for anyone who was wondering – I have officially managed to get red wine stains on my beige couch, after accidentally kicking a glass of wine while wrapping presents – don’t ask).

I am only slightly procrastinating, still need to vacuume and wash the floors before family comes for traditional Norwegian Xmas celebration.  I was hoping that I would receive the wife that I so desperately want when I awoke this morning in order to NOT have to actually vacuume and wash the floors.. but no.. I apparently have not been good enough or Santa hasn’t gotten around to me yet, he may put the wife in my stocking while I sleep tonight.  Hope does indeed spring eternal!

So, as I was saying, here I am – FIRMLY planted on my slightly red wine stained couch(stain now hidden by numerous colored cushions), looking at the snow – first Xmas in years where we have had lots of snow, it is beautiful and peaceful, my adorable, angelic son (I use these words now, because I am sure that after all the sugar and excitement he may at some point turn into the spawn of the devil) is out sledding with his Dad, perfect weather for it – just the right type of snow.

What I really am attempting with this rambling, incoherent yet not inebrieated post, is to tell you all how much you all mean to me.

2009 has had its moments good and bad, probably careerwise one of the most difficult ever, leaving a job that I loved, staff I handpicked and adored – although I am glad to have moved on, it was time – it was painful and difficult nonetheless.  I got to be in the luxurious, yet difficult position of having to choose among many job offers, which was an amazing experience.

I have struggled this year with the loss of my sisterinlaw who died after Xmas last year, she has been on my mind alot, and I miss her terribly.  Tonight will be bittersweet.

It has also been a year where I have struggled with a relationship that was wonderful, sweet and giving – yet could not survive.  We tried.

I have had some great moments with my son this year too, we had a blast on our summer vacation with minimal devils spawnness from either of us.   And watching his development after he started school, it is such a pleasure. My son can read, which is unbelievably cool, he is like a sponge for knowledge wants to know how everything works as well as being empathic and funny – I am so proud of him.

I am blessed with many good friends, whom I love, cherish and hope to get to spend more time with in 2010, thanks to you, I got through this tough year – thank you for your wisdom, input, love and tolerance.

I have made many new friends this year, who have brought fun, knowledge and a sense of belonging – thank you!

I am lucky enough to get to meet new exciting men (you know who you are! ), and while I hate dating, I love meeting new people.  It will be a kick to see what happens this Xmas vacation and New Years – all I can say is – WHOHOOOO BRING IT ON!

I am to no ends grateful for my family, all wonderful, wierd branches of it – without you I don’t know what I’d do.  I love you all more than I could ever explain.  Mom, thank you for taking me to see Eddie Izzard on your birthday!  It was a blast!! You more than anyone are always there with good advice, lots of love, playfulness and of course a mothers pride.  Thank you Mom.

So to each and everyone of you, whether you be a Facebook, Twitter, RL, or virtual friend – I thank you, I love you and I cannot wait to see what the coming year brings!

Have a very merry Hannukakwanzasulsticemas!

Should one blog when slightly inebreiated?

The answer is..

Yeees! Or ehm, no, aaahmmm maybe?  I don’t know. Lets give it a try and you tell me.  I think the proof will be – as they say – in the pudding.

What started out as a noble plan to clean the apartment accompanied by my music from my new stereo (spotify RULES) and a few glasses of wine has ended up as a night of: wine, sushi and great chats!  Dude, you know who you are! But no cleaning what-so-ever! So apartment is still a dirty mess (yes the dust bunnies have mutated into dust rhinos – and they are pissed).

Tomorrow (or today) is looking to be filled with rhino hunting, and I am petrified. Which means I need to find that blowgun, those waders and a case of wunderbaum.  A-hunting I will go; A-hunting I will go!

And to make matters worse, I have not begun to think of planning for Xmas, have bought no presents, I haven’t even begun to think of what kind of crap I should get for those that I love.    Blæææh I have no Xmas spirit!  You know what I need?

A wife!

Yes one of those straight out of the 50′s, greets me at the door with a drink, takes my hat (I would start wearing a hat) and coat, makes sure that I can relax with my newspaper and my pipe (yeah, would need to start smokin’ a pipe),  the kids come and greet me quietly, while (s)he gets dinner on the table… aaaaahhh…

Maybe I can wish for one for Xmas?  Santa, I have been a good girl, really I have, bring me a wife (‘s ok if the wife is a he and he is cute and wears a little apron trust me  I won’t complain) That and a jewelry box.

It is time for bed, and I am hoping that this 1/2 bottle of Barbera D’alba swilling around my brain will give me sweet dreams.  It has been a great Friday night, better than I hoped for – I’ll say that now, because I am not so sure I’ll feel the same in the morning.