Jessica Hildrum

How lucky am I?

Yes, much of February has been pretty bad, culminating in a pretty horrible week last week.

It has been wonderful to be able to express my feelings through this blog, it has been cathartic, and the response that I have gotten from friends, known and unknown has been amazing.

Luckily, things have worked out and I grateful, relieved and happy and for the first time in a very very long time, I slept through the night last night..

I am surrounded by amazing people.

At work, I have this unbelievably dedicated and hardworking staff, they awe me constantly with their ideas and energy.  They support me when I am low, fueling me with their positivity.

Sitting here, in my pomodoro (http://www.pomodorotechnique.com/) set aside for my blog, looking around at the concentration, the activity.  I am filled with pride to know that should we have to face tough times, we will do so together, supporting each other, with the best interests of each individual and the company as a whole at heart.

In my private life as well, the support I have received during these tough weeks from my friends and family who make clear their love for me, has been overwhelming.

On Twitter (http://twitter.com/jessicarbh) and Facebook as well, new friends have voiced their concern and support, giving me courage and humor to meet those hard days.

How lucky am I to be surrounded by these people!!

And now to get on with the job of living..

Looking for the silver lining

We all have our ups and downs from pure joy to deep dark despair. In the worst times it is important to remember we have had all of these feelings before. Because no matter how cliché, life is never smooth sailing, there will always be something that challenges, enrages, depresses or is joyous and even on occasion is just “meh”.

Heartbreak is no exception, the pain unbearable, inconsolable and we despair. And luckily as a grown ups we have survived heartbreak on occasion, we know it will pass, that given time it will go from sharp stabbing to dull ache and ultimately we will move on. But, in the moment even with that knowledge we despair.

There is no quick fix, no easy road to take, we must accept the pain, acknowledge it, work through it – try and remember that it does not define who we are as human beings, try and not let it taint every aspect of our lives.

I know this too shall pass – but really wish I could find that silver lining.

What a horrible day… but Twitter rules!

Some days are just terrible, and this one, well it took the cake.  And it’s not really that anything in particular happened, well apart from not sleeping last night, or truthfully (just between us) not sleeping for a while.

I guess the stress of my life is catching up with me, my famed ostrich approach is failing (I don’t see it, it doesn’t see me – therefor it does not exist) and I am at a loss for what to do.

What has really really saved me today was to be able to reach out through our wonderful networking sites like Twitter and Facebook and get feedback, get “love” .

I am grateful that you care, that you take the time to respond to my cries for help on such a day as today.

Thank you guys and gals for keeping me sane (well as sane as I ever am)…  I hope that I will be there for you when you need it too.

Have you ever noticed…

Have you ever thought – Now, I am done, my feelings are clear, neatly contained easily dealt with.  – only to find that when all is truly quiet and you listen, you hear that no, you are not done, indeed you have not begun.

You have chosen the path, and cling to the belief that yes, it is the right thing for your life at this time.  But all the while, the desperate sadness hits you like a sucker-punch to the gut.

You know that it will pass, that it will work itself out, but now, at this moment it feels impossible.

Life is like this, one moment clear the next murky.