Jessica Hildrum

Speedy Gonzales on speed after a quintuple espresso

I am not a patient person. Instant gratification, that’s more my style, I want what I want and I want it yesterday. So when God throws me an opportunity for learning patience, my first instinct is not to stare into the heavens and shout “bring it on, baby!”. No, my instinct is to say “Hey, what’s behind you?” and run screaming for the hills.

But, this is an opportunity that may (only may mind you, no guarantees), lead to something wonderful. And from what I have seen so far just the experience has enriched my life, so I really don’t want to run. However, while I conceptually and intellectually understand patience and enjoying things as they slowly unfold, I simply don’t know how to do it. How on earth does one stay calm and in the moment without allowing the desire for more to rule your brain?

I have an on button (instant gratification) and an off button (drooling on the couch) no real in between, what’s worse is I have an imagination that eggs me on, tempting me with ideas and visions of what might be, ever increasing my desire. I have no clue how to do this, but…

I am ready for this one, I am taking on this challenge, head high, staring into the heavens, shouting “bring it on, baby, bring it on”.

Opening

A person is more than what you see in the few moments of “new” there is more to be discovered, more to be unearthed, enjoyed, confronted and even despaired over. To label either positive or negative based on just a few interactions is a truly wasted opportunity.

The juiciness lies in allowing oneself to be vulnerable, to let someone in without blindness, but with feet planted on the ground seeing the flaws the reality but all the while enjoying discovering the differences, the small peccadillos that make you you and me me. Appreciating that it’s the way you love and receive love that matters.

Finding the courage to get there, take the risk, not play games, allow yourself to let the waves of love and enjoyment flow over you is what is hard. Or at least hard for me.

Just ain’t my bag, baby

I have this mental image of what I wish I was like; cool, calm, mysteriously distant, somewhat aloof and detached all the while watching the world with a crooked smile…

This of course is a fantasy, cause after about 2 nanoseconds I become a dribbling pool of boneheadedness. One look in my eyes and all my desires are completely clear to anyone looking, I am without a doubt as transparent as they come.

Cool, calm and collected just ain’t my bag, baby.